Sunday Email: Connection / Mind Games

Read time: ~4.35 minutes

Happy Sunday!

Every Sunday I offer strategies for the week ahead and a thought to fuel your action.

In a world where technology has made us more “connected” than ever, why do we feel less true connection than ever before?

Today’s connections are passive.

We scroll and view. It’s one-sided—a simulation of connection rather than the real thing.

We’re informed about people’s lives but not truly engaged with them. Because genuine connection requires effort, it’s intentional. It demands presence and vulnerability.

Seven years ago, I stopped using Facebook and Instagram. The endless scrolling and comparisons left me feeling inferior as if my messy, imperfect life wasn’t enough. I felt pressure to present a picture-perfect version of myself that didn’t match reality.

What I didn’t expect was how disconnected I felt despite having so many “social media connections.”

Since then, I know less about the curated highlights of people’s lives, but I feel more connected to the ones in my life. By focusing on fewer, deeper relationships, I’ve gained a richer sense of connection. Conversations have replaced status updates, and questions have replaced assumptions.

Why? Because genuine connection is bi-directional. It’s built on shared stories, real emotions, and mutual understanding. It’s not a controlled narrative; it’s an honest one.

The Passive Trap

Technology and social media have made us lazy. They’ve given us the illusion of connection without the skills to actually create it.

Have you ever driven to a familiar place—home or work—and arrived without remembering how you got there? Your mind wandered while you made the turns on autopilot.

Conversations without intentionality are the communication equivalent. We talk but don’t always know what was said or why. We pass through the motions, assuming understanding where none exists.

The same happens with emotions. We bring our interpretations into conversations, filtering others’ feelings through personal experiences. Without asking questions, we risk misunderstanding the intent behind someone’s words or emotions.

Curiosity Over Agreement

We often feel we’ve had the best conversations with people who share our views. Our innate desire for acceptance draws us toward sameness and away from opposing perspectives. Differing views feel like opposing forces pushing us apart.

But connection doesn’t come from agreement. Connection comes from understanding.

Real connection means accepting others without needing to agree. It means exploring their experiences and beliefs with curiosity, not judgment.

The Gift of Going Second

Markets get nervous during election seasons. Uncertainty makes people uneasy—what will the rules of the land be? It’s like picking a surprise gift for someone. How much is too much? What’s too nice or not nice enough?

Now imagine buying a gift after someone’s already given you one. It’s easier, isn’t it? There’s a natural understanding of what’s acceptable.

The greatest gift you can give in a conversation is the safety to be vulnerable. When we lead with vulnerability, we create a space for honesty, openness, and trust. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s an invitation.

Conversations Success Ratio

The ratio for deeper connection is simple: ask two questions for every statement you make.

As children, we use questions to understand the world. As adults, questions help us understand others.

The best conversations aren’t one-sided. They’re a dialogue—a mutual exploration built on curiosity and respect.

Presence Is the Ultimate Connection

We take our presence for granted in conversations. However, showing up physically isn’t enough; we also need to be mentally and emotionally present.

The most impactful conversations I’ve had weren’t just about being there. They were about being consumed—fully immersed in the moment.

This takes work. It requires focus. It’s easy to let your mind wander or default to autopilot. Yet the greatest dividends of a conversation come when you treat each conversation as something new and intentional.

From Connected to Connection

Being “connected” isn’t the same as genuine connection.

Technology has created unprecedented efficiency in being connected. But its real power lies in using that efficiency to create more human-to-human conversations. It’s within these active, intentional dialogues that polarization is minimized, differences are accepted, and honest, deep connection is made.

And isn’t connection the ultimate goal of being connected?

A Thought To Ponder This Week

We think we have more control over our desires than we do.

We believe we remember situations better than we do.

We are flabbergasted that others make mistakes we would never believe could happen to us.

Our minds trick us.

Our minds leads us to believe things that are actually not true.

Our experience, our status, our age doesn’t deter us from falling prey to all the same biases as everybody else.

The traps we see others fall into are the same ones they watch us fall prey to.

The goal isn’t a matter of never falling prey to the biases of our minds, but rather becoming more aware to help us spot them. And build the skills to overcome them.

To help others do this, we must start with ourselves.

It’s a journey that has no end state, but rather more questions.

As we head into the week, try to gain awareness of some of the mind games your own mind is playing on you. As this may just spur the knowledge to help others navigate their own mind games.

The best is ahead!

-Matt