Sunday Email: Imposter Syndrome

Read time: ~7.30 minutes

Happy Sunday!

Every Sunday I offer strategies for the week ahead and a thought to fuel your action.

Two Oscars, four Emmys, five Golden Globes, and a Presidential Medal of Freedom.

This represents the pinnacle of success for actors and actresses worldwide.

Yet, Tom Hanks, one of the most revered actors of our time, still grapples with imposter syndrome.

Despite his amazing success, Tom Hanks still consistently feels self-doubt and inadequacy. Deep down, he worries that he will be exposed as a fraud.

As an outsider, we put him on a pedestal of eliteness, yet he struggles to see what the world sees.

This struggle, common among high achievers, highlights a critical issue in our modern, connected world: mental health challenges do not discriminate.

As we become more connected through social media, we are increasingly confronted with the dual challenge of understanding the struggles of others while also facing constant comparisons that often leave us feeling unworthy.

Imposter syndrome, characterized by the persistent inability to believe that one deserves success, affects 70% of people at some point in their lives.

There is no single recipe for overcoming it. It's different for each person. Money doesn't solve it, and success, as seen in Tom Hanks, doesn't resolve it.

Like many others, I deal with imposter syndrome every single day. Despite not reaching the heights of someone like Tom Hanks, the feelings of inadequacy and fear of being exposed as a fraud are constants in my life.

This struggle often manifests as a cycle of critical thoughts.

We tend to speak in absolutes using words like "always" or "never." We ruminate over mistakes and continuously focus on what we "should" or "shouldn't" be doing.

Social media exacerbates these feelings, leading us to believe others disapprove of us.

Much of this seems ridiculous to those who don't face this.

Comments meant to reassure, such as "You shouldn't feel that way; you are valued!" or "Just stop thinking about that," though well-intentioned, often feel dismissive. It's akin to telling someone on fire to stop being flammable; it doesn't address the underlying issue.

Over my professional life, I've been curious about mental health and have been focusing on trying to take action to help me overcome my challenges with mental health, mainly imposter syndrome.

I've been researching why we have imposter syndrome. If I can determine the root of the problem, then maybe I can develop a plan to tackle it.

For many, these roots stretch back to childhood, often linked to parental expectations.

High expectations can create a fear of failure, breeding a mentality of perfectionism. This fear of not meeting these expectations can carry into adulthood, leading to persistent self-doubt and a black-and-white view of success.

Reflecting on my own experiences, I remember my parents' high demands and expectations (not in the wrong way) to get straight A's. I perceived this expectation as a need for perfection, a relentless pursuit of excellence, often to my detriment.

This mentality is typical among those with imposter syndrome, where we set the bar impossibly high, leading to constant striving and a perpetual sense of inadequacy.

Tom Hanks has two Oscars, yet he feels he has failed. Even if each movie had won an Oscar, he would likely still battle imposter syndrome.

Parental influence is another significant factor in the development of imposter syndrome.

Overprotective or overly critical parents can inadvertently undermine a child's confidence. Overprotection prevents children from developing resilience, while excessive criticism can foster a deep sense of inadequacy.

However, a lesson I instill daily with my kids, based on reflections on my childhood, is the concept of validation over reassurance—the idea of validating their feelings rather than reassuring them of their feelings.

Why? This allows them to see that they can overcome and push through tough feelings on their own, in my opinion.

A common trait of those dealing with imposter syndrome is anxiety and a constant state of worry. To help those in this state, we need to help them see that they can push through challenges on their own.

Creating an over-reliance on an individual or set of individuals creates a lack of self-belief.

Imposter syndrome has profound implications in the professional realm.

The constant anxiety and perfectionism associated with this condition can lead to overworking and burnout.

We drive harder and harder in the belief that this will cause others to perceive us, our work, and our effort in a positive and accepting way.

Yet, assuming how others perceive us, our work and our effort is a thought out of our control.

There is this concept called Cognitive Fusion. It is when we take random thoughts too seriously. We become so close and connected to these thoughts that we can't tell where the thought ends and where reality begins.

Ultimately, our mental health stems from our relationships and responses to our thoughts.

A report I read regarding imposter syndrome had a fantastic analogy for thoughts. "Thoughts don't necessarily mean anything. Often, they're the mental equivalent of butt dials."

To strengthen our mental health and ultimately overcome imposter syndrome, we must become extremely aware of our thoughts. We must become aware of when we let our thoughts drive us to a specific action or conclusion and where these thoughts stem from.

Within wealth management, we are in the business of people. People deal with mental health challenges, which can dictate their actions and desires.

Thus, for wealth managers, being keenly aware and understanding mental health challenges isn't just a personal necessity but a professional one as well.

To understand our client's challenges with mental health means, we must go beyond the financial aspects of the relationships. To get there (and not to cross the line of being a therapist), we must ask excellent questions and be empathetic listeners.

The goal of learning more about our clients doesn't happen in one questionnaire or one meeting. It's a journey and process. However, we must have a way to document, organize, and synthesize the information to help us gain deeper insight into our clients.

An output of imposter syndrome, specifically, is anxiety. Dealing with money is already a high-anxiety situation. Thus, we need to know what level of support each client needs based on their unique mental health levels.

Understanding their own challenges will also empower us as advisors in how we communicate, ensuring our words resonate rather than fall flat.

Our job is not to be psychiatrists, but we do deal with humans. Humans do not live or deal with relationships in monolithic ways. They are multidimensional and complex.

Thus, we must continue to evolve from just knowing financial aspects to better understanding human elements.

Here are some strategies to help both ourselves and our clients overcome imposter syndrome:

1. Recognize the Feeling: Acknowledge the existence of imposter syndrome and talk about it openly. Reframe negative self-talk ("I am sad") to highlight the transitory nature of feelings ("I am feeling sad.”)

2. Challenge the Negative: Address negative thoughts by focusing on long-term progress rather than immediate perceptions. Show clients their growth over time to counteract momentary feelings of inadequacy.

3. Celebrate Successes: Regularly acknowledge and celebrate small achievements to build confidence and reinforce positive behaviors.

Ultimately, this is a PSA for all of us, and we must bring mental health to the forefront. And though we are in finance, we can make a significant difference.

We cannot see mental health from the outside. It's not like drug addiction or other dangers, but it is becoming, unfortunately, a leading challenge humans face.

For those who deal with mental health challenges, whether it is imposter syndrome, OCD, constant anxiety, or whatever it may be… please know you are not alone.

Please know that there is a path to overcoming the challenge.

Unfortunately, this isn't something that goes away. But know that it can be managed, and quality of life can be elevated.

We can make a difference by having more conversations and discussing mental health in our personal and professional lives.

A Thought To Ponder This Week

Bill Gates recently said:

"An agent will be able to help you with all your activities if you want it to. With permission to follow your online interactions and real-world locations, it will develop a powerful understanding of the people, places, and activities you engage in. It will get your personal and work relationships, hobbies, preferences, and schedule. You’ll choose how and when it steps in to help with something or ask you to make a decision."

This sounds exciting!

Yet, the reference to “agent” was to an artificially intelligent agent.

AI burst into our world about 2 years ago. Since then, the interest has leveled off, albeit at higher levels than 2 years ago.

Many feel drained from the deluge of information in the last 24 months.

Others continue to dig in.

One thing though continues to be apparent, AI is not going away.

We can avoid the headlines, avoid the repetitive insights delivered by others. But what is unavoidable is the impact AI will have on our lives and our business.

The trend has legs, strong legs.

So, being in an industry that is ripe for disruption and innovation, we must ask ourselves this week, what is our stance on AI? And if we are believers in the future of AI, then we must start taking action to gain better understanding of how we might benefit from it in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

The best is ahead!

-Matt