Sunday Email: Speaking to be heard / Clients to focus on reality

Read time: ~8.00 minutes

Happy Sunday!

Every Sunday I offer strategies for the week ahead and a thought to fuel your action.

Connection transforms a routine conversation into something more meaningful. It's that feeling you get when a conversation goes beyond surface-level exchanges and touches on something real. You open up, sharing more about your challenges, successes, and family—things you wouldn't typically mention. And when you walk away, you feel heard, understood, and slightly lighter. There's a deeper trust, a stronger bond.

Connection in conversation is a powerful force that binds us. It's a shared experience, a meeting of minds and hearts. When both parties are on the same wavelength, trust is not just implied but felt. This trust isn't the kind you verbalize—it's the kind that allows you to be vulnerable and authentic. It's the power of shared experiences that make us feel connected and understood.

Think about the last time you had such a conversation. You probably remember it well because it left an indelible impression. Those moments of connection stay with us, driving meaningful action and fostering long-term relationships. They inspire us, motivate us, and remind us of the power of human connection.

But finding that connection, especially in wealth management, can be challenging.

In my experience, connection hinges on finding common ground that binds you to the other person. It can be something as simple as both of you having kids or, better yet, kids of similar ages. Or it can be a shared love of sports. These small but significant touchpoints create a frame of reference and mutual understanding, deepening the conversation.

This is why, whenever I'm giving a keynote speech, I take a moment to share my story. I put up a slide showing my family, my hobbies, the book I'm reading, and even my favorite quote. In a large audience, connecting with everyone one-on-one is nearly impossible. But by sharing these personal elements, I give people a way to connect with me. They may also love reading or see themselves in the family photo. And in that instant, I've created a bond that makes my message resonate more deeply.

Like many of you, I binge-watched Ted Lasso during the pandemic. It was the perfect show for a difficult time—a story about optimism, resilience, and leadership. But beyond just making us laugh, the character of Ted Lasso connected with us on a deeper level. We felt good when he was on screen; that connection was no accident.

I often think about one particular speech in the show when reflecting on the power of connection. (https://youtu.be/A9jI7id8c1Q?si=tKGvBV_DakD-c5dr)

It's a masterclass in authentic communication, and its lessons directly apply to our work in wealth management.

Here are seven takeaways from Ted Lasso's speech that can help us connect better with the families we serve.

Lesson 1: Understand Who You're Talking To

Knowing your audience—whether a client, a colleague, or a room full of people—is fundamental to establishing a connection. It's not enough to talk numbers and portfolios; you must dig deeper and understand what truly matters to them. What are their concerns? What drives them? What do they care about beyond their financials? This understanding not only fosters a connection but also shows that you value and respect them.

This is why I believe behavioral finance, which studies the psychological factors that influence financial decisions, is on the rise in wealth management. Over the next decade, it will become a core component of our work because it allows us to understand not just our clients' finances but also their psychological tendencies and biases. Knowing your clients on this level transforms your relationship from transactional to deeply personal.

Ted Lasso knew his team. He knew they were athletes driven by competition and a desire to win. He didn't just talk at them—he tapped into their core motivations, using that understanding to inspire change.

Lesson 2: Lead with Empathy

Empathy and sympathy are often confused, but they are vastly different. Sympathy is feeling for someone—empathy is feeling with them. To be genuinely empathetic in wealth management, we need to understand our clients' perspectives, and the only way to do that is by asking thoughtful, relevant questions. It's not about premeditated questions designed to lead the conversation in a specific direction but genuine questions that arise in response to what's being shared. It's about creating an environment where clients feel comfortable enough to open up, giving us a window into how they truly feel and what their world looks like.

Empathy requires us to put ourselves in our clients' shoes, seeing their challenges, fears, and aspirations as they do.

This was Ted Lasso's key insight. While delivering his message to the team, he didn't just ask them to change—he understood the weight of that ask because he was going through a significant change in his life. His struggles with his marriage helped him grasp the difficulty of change on a deeper level, allowing him to deliver his message with authenticity and clarity. He wasn't just giving advice; he was speaking from a shared experience, making his ask more powerful.

By tapping into our experiences and understanding our clients' emotional landscape, we can craft messages that resonate more deeply. In this sense, empathy becomes a tool to build trust and inspire action.

Lesson 3: Articulate a Clear Vision

Clarity is essential when communicating with clients. You might have spent days or weeks thinking through a strategy or recommendation, but when you present it, it's the first time they hear it. You need to make it simple, clear, and concise.

Ted Lasso used words effectively. His message was direct: "We are broken, and we need to change." He didn't complicate the message with unnecessary details. He ensured his team understood what must happen (we need to change) and why it mattered (we are broken).

Lesson 4: Build Trust by Sharing Your Journey

In wealth management, trust isn't built through the number of years you've been in the industry—it's built through the number of cycles you've experienced. It's not about how long you've been doing something; it's about the depth of the challenges you've faced and learned from. As Mike Tyson famously said, "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Knowledge is the plan, but experience is getting punched in the teeth. The unexpected trials and difficult moments truly build our capabilities—and, ultimately, the trust others place in us.

Ted Lasso exemplified this idea perfectly. He didn't rely on his title as coach or list reasons why his team needed to change. Instead, Lasso built trust by being vulnerable and sharing his personal story of change. He openly admitted how difficult it was for him to face change in his life, particularly with his marriage. By connecting personally and showing that he was struggling, he created a deeper bond with his team. This authenticity—not a laundry list of reasons—made his message resonate.

The same principle applies in wealth management. It's not just about showing clients what we know; it's about sharing our experiences, especially the tough ones, and showing that we understand their struggles. This creates a foundation of trust that numbers and credentials alone can't achieve.

Lesson 5: Use Storytelling to Connect

Our brains are wired to engage with, remember, and connect through stories. Stories are how we make sense of the world, from books and movies to the stories we share in everyday life. Stories create a bridge between the speaker and the listener, making the message more relatable and memorable.

But not just any story will do. The most powerful stories are authentic and vulnerable. They allow others to see us for who we really are, and that honesty creates a deeper connection. When we share stories that reveal our true selves, we invite others to open up and connect with us in return.

Ted Lasso understood this. When he shared his personal stories, he wasn't just delivering a message but creating a bond with his team. By being open about his struggles, he shifted the dynamic from talking "at" his team to talking "with" them. This subtle but crucial shift made his message land differently. The team didn't feel like they were being lectured; they felt part of a shared experience. And that made them more willing to listen and engage.

The same principle applies in wealth management. When we tell real, authentic stories, we transform a conversation from transactional to relational. It's not just about the message; it's about creating a space where people feel heard and understood, and that's what truly gets your message heard.

Lesson 6: Acknowledge Resistance

There's always the elephant in the room—the unspoken issue everyone thinks about but no one wants to address. The elephant isn't always the same; it changes depending on the situation. But when we avoid acknowledging it, we lose our audience. They become distracted, mentally circling the elephant and missing the message we're trying to convey.

For Ted Lasso, the elephant in the room was that "change is hard, and we resist change." He was asking his team to change, and if he had not brought this up, the team would have been focused on how difficult it would be rather than listening to the rest of his message. By addressing the elephant head-on, Lasso cleared the way for his team to actually hear him instead of mentally battling their own resistance to change.

In any conversation, especially in wealth management, it's critical to identify and address the elephant in the room, whatever it may be. By doing so, we create space for people to focus on what matters and engage with our message.

Lesson 7: Be Consistent and Authentic

Consistency builds trust. Whether you're speaking with clients or giving a keynote, consistency in your message and mannerisms creates a sense of reliability.

Ted Lasso was always himself—quirky, optimistic, and kind. He didn't change his style to fit others' expectations; that authenticity paid off. Clients appreciate that same consistency and authenticity in their advisors.

As our industry evolves, with technology playing a bigger role, the core of what we do remains unchanged. Wealth management is, and always will be, about relationships. Our ability to connect—not just converse—will be our greatest differentiator in an increasingly commoditized market.

Deepening our connections with the families we serve ensures our insights are heard and acted upon. Ultimately, our value lies in our ability to connect, not just converse.

A Thought To Ponder This Week

The silver bullet.

That answer that gives us the clarity and comfort to take the action we need.

The direction we yearn so we don’t feel uncomfortable, yet reach all of our desires with ease.

We act.

We regret.

We search again.

It’s like a constant roller coaster. We want to reach all of our goals in a way that is as simple as possible.

It’s human nature, yet we know that it is not the answer.

We find an ability in our minds to rationalize why this time will be different. We rationalize how we have learned from our past mistakes.

But in reality, the true answer, time and again, is to commit to a strategy and weather the ups and downs.

The path to success is never easy, simple and without uncertainty.

The question and the challenge lies in how we help people avoid the traps of a “silver bullet” and rather weather the journey that is inevitable to sustained success.

As we head into the week, it would be great to take a moment and identify two tactics to help families better focus on the reality as opposed to the fantasy of easy.

The best is ahead!

-Matt