Tuesday Post: What we Do and Who We are

Read time: ~3.30 minutes

Happy Tuesday!

Every Tuesday I'd like to offer strategies for your week that will help with a thought to fuel your action.

Our tactics don't define who we are; who we are defines the impact of our tactics.

Finish lines are everywhere in life. They give us a starting point, an endpoint, and a sense of focus. But here's the thing: finish lines aren't in our control. The one thing we can control is understanding ourselves—and that's a journey without a finish line.

This truth hit me recently.

I was making progress on my desired mission.

I saw the desired outcome right in front of my eyes. This was about a journey to find my dad, who I recently lost. I actually saw him.

All I wanted was one more hug, and I was going to get it. It was incredible. What a rare opportunity. His face right there, my body moving towards him as if I were running the 100-meter sprint at the Olympics.

Then, a voice interrupted. "Dad." I woke up to find my 5-year-old son, Levi, standing over me, ready to start the day—at 3 a.m.

Later, Levi came down again, still early, ready to go. But house rules are house rules, and he had to wait until the clock turned green, another 30 minutes. For a 5-year-old, 30 minutes feels like an eternity. The wait became an almost impossible task without a clear grasp of time.

It struck me that a lack of a finish line makes even simple tasks overwhelming. Uncertainty distracts us from the task at hand, creating anxiety where there should be calm.

The journey to self-awareness is the most challenging task we'll ever take on. There's no clear starting point, no tangible progress markers, and no finish line, but it's the most necessary journey.

Why do so many of us struggle with this?

From an early age, we're conditioned to focus on outcomes.

The world around us celebrates results—achievements, accolades, and milestones. But these are fleeting. They give us a temporary sense of accomplishment, only to be replaced by the pressure of the next challenge. Chasing outcomes becomes an addiction, leaving little room for introspection.

True purpose doesn't come from what we achieve; it comes from understanding who we are and why we do what we do.

At the same time, meaningful change is inherently uncomfortable. Growth requires failure, yet we're often taught to avoid it. It's messy and unpredictable, but it's the only way forward. Skipping the work of self-awareness is like building a house without laying a strong foundation—it might stand for a while, but it won't endure.

Adding to this challenge is the framework many of us carry from our early education. We were taught to pass tests, complete tasks, and move to the next level. But life doesn't come with clear checkpoints or finish lines. Self-awareness doesn't follow a linear path; it's an ongoing evolution. When we try to apply old frameworks to this deeply personal work, we inevitably feel lost and frustrated.

Leo Tolstoy observed that efforts to change often fail because people overlook the need to change themselves first. This insight reveals an uncomfortable truth: we usually fixate on external outcomes while neglecting the internal work that makes those outcomes possible. It's easier to focus on what we can measure—a promotion, a fitness goal, or a completed project—than to confront the murkiness of understanding ourselves. But without self-awareness, even the most carefully planned actions can feel hollow.

Self-awareness is not a box to check or a skill to master; it's a process of continuous refinement. Like forging steel, it requires both heat and hammering. The moments of discomfort and challenge shape us, creating something stronger and more resilient. Yet, unlike steel, there's no final form. The work of understanding ourselves is ongoing, and the process is the reward.

Our early education sets us up to expect progress to follow a predictable pattern: take the class, pass the test, and move to the next level. But self-awareness doesn't operate within these boundaries. It's less like climbing a ladder and more like wandering a vast landscape without a map. There's no finish line to cross, no tangible prize waiting at the end—just a deeper understanding of who we are and how we move through the world.

This lack of defined progress can feel unsettling, especially in a world that rewards visible achievements. But the absence of a finish line is what makes self-awareness so powerful. It frees us from chasing fleeting goals and allows us to focus on something more enduring: the ability to understand and adapt to life's ever-changing circumstances.

Understanding ourselves is not about perfection or reaching an endpoint. It's about embracing the evolution—allowing the process to unfold and accepting that who we are will continue to change. This is not a limitation; it's the essence of growth.

The best is ahead!

-Matt